Marc has been working into the evenings for the past few weeks. We are so thankful for the work. God has blessed us with extra income. Thank you all for your prayers. And please keep praying as the work is only temporary.
Since he's been working more and longer hours I've been alone with Chloe. As many know becoming a parent stretches and chanllenges you. And it has begun to take it's toll on my emotional health. I love my daughter so much but I'm not getting time to myself.
Many do not know that I have struggled with depression. I'm not talking about clinical dignosed depression (chemical inbalance). I'm talking about withdrawing from relaionships and fun activites. I'm talking about stinkin' thinkin'. Stinkin' thinkin' is a thought process of unhealthy internal conversation with ourselves.
Last Saturday, I had a tough dayand began down the path of stinkin' thinkin'. All I wanted was time to accomplish a few task around the house and Chloe to nap or play while I worked on them. Of course, life does not go as you plan so I tried to be flexible. I needed a reboot. And praise God for family! I was able to get about 4 hours to sleep and catch up on some me time.
I'm telling you this because I have struggled with the decision of nursing or giving her formula for 3 months now. There have been several good days and many difficult. For those of you who are just getting to know me, I have a tendency to go type A. And I do not normally handle change well. After much praying, consideration, and conversation I decided that Chloe needs a mommy not stressed, Marc deserves to come home to a happy wife, and I deserve a calm day. Otherwise, I will continue a cycle that will lead me back to a depression.
I have found that the more I try to make things work the way I want them to the more I struggle. God has a way with showing me things I already know but often forget. I'm so thankful for my God who loves me enough to not leave me to myself. Thank You Father for always keeping me in Your hand!
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