For the past two years, we have been a part of a well-oiled media team at church. Now Marc and I have joined the children's minsitry at church. We are stepping in and seeing there is alot of work to be done. Marc is very flexible when it comes to meeting new people and logical when it comes to technical situations. However, I am not. I sometimes feel cursed to be a woman. I wonder why God made me to be an emotional being. And then, I remember. But I digress...
When we arrived at church today, I began to plug away and set up the computer program. I had worked on a power point presentation through the week and was excited to put it into the order of service. I connected the external drive and began to look for it. I didn't find the presentation. I sent myself an email just in case I forgot to bring the external drive. But it wasn't in the email either. So I began to search again. No matter how many times I looked, it didn't turn up. Feeling a little defeated I moved on to getting the videos set up for worship. And wouldn't you know, they weren't working either. I wanted to cry and yell. But I didn't.
Sidebar....I do not consider myself a perfectionist. I'd say I have tendencies, but not a perfectionist. But after reviewing today I might have to revaulate that thought.
Because my power point presentation was nowhere to be found, I began entering what I could to use for the service. Deep breath, it's going to be okay. As the service began, I found I did not have songs set up for the script and began to painic. I know, I know, not ME. Sadly, I have to say I did. Marc didn't know what was next in the service. And because I was in charge of the computer program and keeping the pace I felt it was my fault.
So with all the issues, small and big, I took it upon myself to expect more than I could give. After reflecting on this experience here are my conclusions...
1. I expected more of myself that I should have.
2. I wasn't prepared.
3. I didn't make sure others were prepared.
4. I wasted alot of engergy.
5. I married a wonderful man.
I'd say that number 5 would be my favorite of the day. I found I still have issues with expectations. I struggle so many days with allowing God to shape and form me. This is just one of those days where I've failed. Now, what do I do? Pray. Forgive myself. Pray. Ask Marc to forgive me. Pray.
With all the stressing, I didn't realize just how much I stressed out those around me. I know that God has the power to change this in me. I know He can. I just pray that it happens sooner rather than later.
So there it is. Expectation VS Freedom. Sam's version of living VS God's way of Life.
What kind of life do you choose?
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